On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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