how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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