I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
