Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
