So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
