Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
