my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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