After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
