I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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