I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
