She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
