You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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