oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
