that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
