I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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