i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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