ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
