That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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