So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
