we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
