I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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