I cockslap morals
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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