if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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