just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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