ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize