His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
