I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
