I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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