He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
