Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
