Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
