SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
