Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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