Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
