Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
