Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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