We're like a lot better than the average bears
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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