Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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