i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
