if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
id be glad to
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
