who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
do herpes really smell.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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