Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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