By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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