I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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