Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
