i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
