So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
