I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When are your genitals available?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
