I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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