Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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