that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
