we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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