We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
