And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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