great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
