covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
