We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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