I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
