I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
