So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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