Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
