I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
