i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
