That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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