doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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