Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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