If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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