the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
