is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
