from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize