Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
