I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize