I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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