Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
