I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
