Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
