WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
