She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
